Today is Lost Sock Memorial Day, which sounds suspiciously like the sort of holiday invented by a mildly unstable wizard after three glasses of elf-made wine.
Apparently, the proper thing to do is clear out your lonely single socks. Throw them away. Accept defeat. Move on with your life. But fantasy readers know better. Because fantasy has taught us many important truths:
- Dragons hoard gold.
- Necromancy never ends well.
- And socks absolutely do not vanish by accident.
Naturally, everyone immediately thinks of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and poor long-suffering Dobby, freed from servitude by the gift of a sock. Rowling may genuinely be the only fantasy writer to elevate hosiery into an object of mythic significance. Think about it. In most fantasy worlds, enchanted swords get names. Ancient crowns hold terrible power. Rings corrupt souls.
But socks? Socks disappear into interdimensional portals behind the washbasin.
No one talks about this enough.
Honestly, the evidence is overwhelming. One sock vanishes, but never both. Coins remain untouched. Shirts survive. Towels emerge unharmed. Only the socks are taken. Classic fae behavior.
You cannot convince me there isn’t a hidden race of household goblins running an elaborate barter economy based entirely on unmatched footwear. Somewhere beneath our homes lies a vast underground kingdom lit by bioluminescent lint, where tiny creatures trade argyle patterns like rare gemstones.
The real question is whether the missing socks are:
- powering ancient magic,
- serving as currency,
- or being carefully stockpiled until the final battle between light and darkness.
Personally, I suspect the third option. So this Lost Sock Memorial Day, perhaps don’t throw the remaining socks away immediately. Leave one beside the washing machine as an offering. A gesture of goodwill toward the unseen beings lurking within the domestic void.
Because if fantasy has taught us anything, it’s that bargains with magical creatures are always perfectly safe and never become catastrophic later.
Probably.
.
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You are absolutely right: no one talks about this enough. I have lost count (years and years ago!) of how many socks have disappeared. There have been quite a few washing machines during that time, too. This disappearing sock thing is clearly a conspiracy of many years. (I’ve been married for many decades, so that’s a fair assessment of time.)
This brings into sharper focus a recent washing machine weirdness. The last time I cleaned the filter in my washing machine (and there’s a whole other thread) I found more than a few hairs — there was a rusty needle in the filter. This could well have been lost by whatever creatures are stealing away with our socks and even, perhaps, could have been a lost weapon, should they be on the small end of the scale. Now that I’ve disposed of this suspicious needle, completely unaware of the possible complications, I’m wondering if it will ever again be safe to put my socks in the washing machine. Do I dare? Or should I just leave out a sacrificial sock on laundry day?
Another reason to always read every blog post at Stories Rule Press. There is always something new to learn, a new hazard to avoid.
P.S. Would it be okay if I left out the socks that have holes? Curious minds …
It’s entirely possible that if you left out the socks with the holes in them, they’ll be darned and fit for wearing by next morning. No wait, wrong story….
But wouldn’t it be nice??
Taylen!